i refuse

Wether it seems like it or not. I always try to look at a positive side. Everything has a positive and a negitive side. But lately I just can't seem to function like that. I dont know what it is. Maybe its the people, places, memories i cant let go of, or just my own self that i have issues with. I can't seem to get happy. I'm letting certain things big or small suffocate me until I can't take it anymore. That is how I've always been... I try to be nice and remain calm and I bottle things up until I explode. Anyone who knows me well enough knows this. I jsut need to get things off my chest. I am not good with dealing with things in a healthy manor. Which is probably not the best for me. Ever feel like your in a room screaming but no one hears you? Thats how I always feel. And it might sound like im exaggerating but this is my blog and im not going to censor myself for others. I truely want to believe that human nature is good but its hard to believe that when youre reminded everyday its not. Fake,superficial, blah blah blah welcome to America. I'm afraid I don't belong here. This life just doesn't feel right to me. Theirs got to be more.... real blog tomorrow. sorry for the drama. just some things left unsaid that needed to be said. goodnight